Aging Orchid

Your head spins,

as the moon rotates around the earth.

Lay your head to rest,

though the depression stays awake,

like the caffeine of a thousand cups of coffee.

A weight on my shoulders,

a lump in my throat,

the darkness is upon me,

the worst kind of coat.

It keeps out no wind, 

and brings me the cold,

takes me away,

does not let me be bold. 

It holds me back,

and keeps in the fear,

not allowed to be there,

I must stay here. 

Your word is final

I sit unwinded 

Like your perfect porcelain doll

No song sung

No tune to hear

Cracks concealed 

Filled with rubber glue

You wind me up once 

in a blood red moon

You let my tune play

Smile

Dance

The winding, turning key stops 

Silence

I saw a raven on my way to the marathon,

It fed on dead flesh and fresh blood,

I saw a raven on the way to a marathon.

And she sat there, 

Wheels turning,

In conclusion of her own life,

And her own misery. 

Realizing that happiness was a child's game,

Happiness was a fantasy, 

Fantasies are for stories.

Tears streamed and she couldn't stop them, 

flowing for days of endless pain, 

and yet the wheels keep turning.

Almost there

HA! I kid myself

Never going to be

Don’t try 

Efforts are wasted

Enough 

Lacking 

Soon enough 

No

Trying 

Can’t breath 

What is happiness 

Wasted on me

Love me

Why bother 

Be gone

And free 

In the darkness, I find you

I am not afraid

Hypnotizing brown

Lips embracing 

Horror, Fear, Pain, 

You don’t scare me

You have my soul in your eyes

I need your promise, forever 

Reading, writing,

Passionate love making 

Touch me with your fears

I am your advocate 

Cut me with your salivating blade, 

I ooze 

Fill me with your medicine

Sanity, Normalcy, Shame,

Not likely 

One bleeding heart, 

Four simple stitches of life

Holding together my decaying organs

No one is you

The flirty glances

Kisses of love

Longing 

Intimacy kidnapped 

No ransom in words 

Passion out of sight 

Why 

If not to gaze upon my blank nudity 

Blankly 

More tears shed 

No touch

Alone 

The moon over our sky, 

we share, 

but our love is 

beyond the infinite space!

I stay for hope, I stay for love, I stay for our future and to feel above.

No matter the pain, the work or dedication, 

I stay because my heart wouldn’t survive the suffocation.

So no matter what, here I stay, your happiness is my happiness in every way!

I saw a beetle 

as big as a plum

green, like money

that pays for your happiness

Envy, sweet envy, BEETLE!

going septic

in your pink ice cream

My pink ice cream?

i chose vanilla! 

Hurry up and bleed

no

first, plead

Your guilt is undeniable 

hanging me with 

your wasted minutes 

My time is no longer

of value to anyone,

including myself

I whisper to him,

live another day,

so I may die later,

She can’t leave, 

or I will no longer 

exist in my brain

Sugary words of forever,

that I am prediabetic for 

The purple orchid 

that has bloomed the same 

bud, three times over ten 

and the fourth on the eighteenth? 

Squashed.

afraid

aged at eight

trusted adult

perverted secret

no, not accepted 

locked in, cannot run

have to endure

bravery 

smell of sweat

taste of salt and insanity 

vile

three times the age 

a thousand times the disgust

over in minutes 

lingers forever

if I wrote you a letter, 

would you listen to the words

when does numb 

stop being so painful

why is everything 

so wrong 

hopes and dreams are for everyone 

but me

wanted: 

a forever commitment 

needed:

not a hard request

blood stained tears

blacked veins 

injected love 

infected life

fibrogren’s 

haunting past

cannot remember

There are people here that want the world to burn

and I warm my hands by the fire

I don’t want to watch the world burn

I want it to bloom

be beautiful 

full of love

Those who allow themselves to burn in it

are responsible for their own actions

I just want to positively change one person’s day, everyday

That is a great day!! 

there are people here that want the world to burn

and I warm my hands by the fire

forever in the background 

burning spotlight 

judging unacceptable 

humble down, humble down, you stupid clown

read the fine print

i came with a warning label

you just won’t take the time to read it

hesitation for his circumstances 

continue on

a caress, soft slow

down my spine

It's alright,

don't stop

gradually a kiss

electricity, 

buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

never end

take me 

i am now forever your's

longing complete

craving extinguished 

more,

forever more

Your pain is hidden within the confines of your beating heart 

And as the world looks upon you they do not see a pained soul

But a forced smile, a smile that took the strength naturally for your daily tasks

Now you must use your reserved strength to get through your day

Optimism and positive thoughts can only get you so far into your daily routine

You try to stand, to fight the urge to scream, the urge to cry and all so others will be happy

True strength doesn't come from fake smiles and optimism

Strength is not at the bottom of a bottle or the end of a needle, inhaled with ease or in a bet

Real strengths is in your willingness to survive, want to live and in the support inside and out

Fighting cancer, addiction, abuse, pain, a broken heart, any disease and the negativity in this world takes the strength of yourself and those by your side.

Home,

Marriage,

Lifetime,

Together,

Love,

Trust,

Dedication, 

you?

Broken from part pain

The honors she has endured 

Walls of concrete, marble, and steel

Stubbornness her only defense 

Hatred, racism, and blame still deafen her ears 

Last boy’s scraps and trash

Heart of gold, surrounded by thorns

She stays independent and strong

Longs for real love

A husband to share her life with

She will never be a wife again

Damaged and broken is never enough

Weeping for sweet relief 

In a constant state of pain

Physically, emotionally, mentally gone

Her beauty fades with her hope and her life.